I will no longer be updating Iron Guide (see below). Instead, I am now writing at my new, personal blog. Though that will be about some of the newer things I'm doing in life, if you want to see updates about Louie, Lester, and now Dusky, add me on Facebook -- there's enough ridiculously cute pictures to go around.

Louie graduated Saturday. A bunch of us, 8 humans and 2 dogs, drove down to the Oregon Guide Dogs campus to see Louie and his new partner, Don, finish training and start their life together.

It was a deeply bittersweet experience. On the one hand, I'm incredibly proud of Louie and Don and it's quite amazing to see how they already get along and work together. It's like they've been a team for ages, not just two weeks. Louie is quite the handsome dog now, having filled out and bulked up to look like a real man, not the lanky, awkward teenager of a puppy he was when he went back to school. Mature, careful about where he was leading Don, just a little aloof around strangers as he should be, he wasn't my little, smelly-ears Louie any more. (He had an ear infection when he was younger. The infection went away. The name stuck.) He was a real guide dog now. People kept telling me how fantastic he was during training and how proud of him I should be, but I really didn't need much prodding: I was already very, very proud of Louie. Anymore and I'd need to go out and buy a "My dog is a honor student" bumper sticker and stick it on my forehead.

On the other hand, it broke my heart to see him again. He was happy to see me, no doubt, tail wagging, climbing up into my lap and trying to give me sloppy wet kisses, toppling me over into the wall... but... no, not quite as happy as before. No bunny hops. No butt wags. No squirming and wriggling with joy. He was worried, concerned about being separated from Don and wondering if Don was alright.

And there it was. When we walked up to the stage, just before I was to formally present Louie to Don, Louie saw Don on the opposite end, waiting off to the side just as we were. That was it. Louie zeroed in, craning his neck around to make sure he didn't lose sight of Don, and never once took his eyes off him. We walked up to the stage, I released him and handed over the leash to Don. There it all was. The Louie bunny hop: all four paws off the ground, bounce, bounce bounce bounce, hopping circles around Don. The squirming and wriggling. The butt swinging every which way. He wasn't my little puppy anymore. He was Don's dog now.

The audience loved it, cheering and laughing with every squirm and wag. I kept up a smile and laughed too, but even that was tough. It felt like someone had punched me full force in the gut. I could actually physically feel the heavy pit in my stomach.

It wasn't a matter of jealousy. Not in the least. Sure, there was that little selfish part of me that wished Louie had been as excited and ecstatic to see me, but... everything else in me knew that it was so much more important, indescribably so, that Louie bond with Don and that he be Don's dog and only his dog. Had Louie been just as excited to see me as when he was my puppy, well... wouldn't that exactly be the problem? He'd still be my puppy. He wouldn't be Don's dog. And that would defeat the purpose of everything. Sure, there is that selfish part of me that wants to keep Louie for myself, but then there is everything else in me that knows it's so much more important to let him go.

To love and let go. That's what it really comes down to, doesn't it? Pouring in your heart to them, giving them all the love you can muster up, taking as much care of them as you can... but then letting them go when the time comes. And, perhaps more painfully, seeing them let go of you and pass that love onto someone else.

Judy was right. Family and dear friends aside, it's about as close to a direct gift of love one human being can give another. I really see it now.

It's the right thing to do. I'll just keep telling myself that.

As tough as it was, I still wouldn't have it any other way. I think I'll be doing this for as long as I can.


Don, Louie, Nancy (Don's wife), Brady (Nancy's guide), and Lester and I at graduation.

Labels: Lester, Louie

Permalink | Written at 2:55 PM | Post a comment | 8 comments | Trackbacks

Since I don't have a grad yet, I don't know how it feels to see my dog with another family, but your post described everything so perfectly, and that's what I imagine I'd feel at grad too.
It does suck having your puppy turn into someone else's dog whether it be a guide, service dog or pet- but to look at the big picture, that you raised a dog that loves and is loved, that is something truly awesome.
Congrats to you and Louie on his graduation!!!!! :)
Permalink   | Posted by  Natalie at August 28, 2007 9:41 PM

Wow, koosh. I've already congratulated you, & god knows how fantastic a dog Louie is. I felt horrible for you on Saturday, but feel totally proud of you today!
( 1 a.m., in the FC, and yet this post made me feel emotional. Largely on account of missing Louie... I hate myself for having missed out on this. Just horrible.)

Long live Louie! I look forward to meeting Don & him soon :)
Permalink   | Posted by  Kaushal at August 28, 2007 10:17 PM

Congrats to you and Louie! I can completely picture your happy boy hopping all over the place after seeing him as the demo dog. Your description of emotions about Louie capture my feelings about Promise exactly. I am so proud of her and wouldn't have wanted any other life for her, but I am ashamed to say there are still moments when I wish I could have her back. But her job as a guide is so much more important than a life with me. And I know she hasn't spent a single moment wanting to be a pet back home with me. I hope Don and Louie will want to keep in touch with you once in a while :)
Permalink   | Posted by  Emily, Ellis, and Angel at August 29, 2007 5:16 PM

the graduation (watever li'll i cud see of it) was a great experience. Congos again! Yeah, one could easily tell that Don and Louie have bonded very well. "For the greater good" (you prolly wouldn't know that reference!)
Permalink   | Posted by  Karan at August 29, 2007 10:50 PM

It is so much fun to read your blog. You really did decribe the exact emotions I felt with my first(GDA) dog.
Congrats to you for giving Louie the great beginnings to making him a guide dog.
I look forward to reading more about Lester (who is adorabe!)
Cindi, puppy raiser of Hayes (retired guide) and Kirby (GDA Stud)
Permalink   | Posted by  Cindi at August 29, 2007 11:23 PM

I was googling "phase report" because ours hasn't come this week, and I have a pup at 10, when I found this blog.

OMDog!! This is super!

"To love and let go" is exactly why I was led by God to be a puppy raiser, something I had to learn....all over again.

Thanks for sharing! I had a dog graduate in April this year and I'm hoping for a September grad now!

Best of luck, do you have another puppy yet?
Permalink   | Posted by  Karen, raised Ansel, Sonar and now Getty at August 31, 2007 1:53 PM

Thank you Kushal, for so beautifully describing how it feels to see your puppy graduate. I read your blog with tears streaming down my face! Many of those same emotions were going through my heart and mind last October when Claude graduated.

I will always be so thankful that my very wise husband, Peter, suggested we raise a Guide Dog pup 4 and 1/2 years ago. To be able to give such a gift of love to another person is truely a blessing!

We are proud of you!

Betsy (fellow raiser and member of Guide Puppies of Seattle)
Permalink   | Posted by  Betsy at August 31, 2007 6:45 PM

Congrats on Louie's graduation! Your post captured how I felt when Murphy graduated in June. I was thrilled that he remembered us but more thrilled that he had bonded so well with his owner already. His owner has been kind enough to already write and tell us how Murphy is doing, and that helps. I hope Don will do the same for you. I think of Murphy quite often, and the fact that he is not my dog does not mean that I don't still love him. But, as I'm sure you're seeing with Lester, there is plenty of love to go around and always the next pup who needs it to help them get to where they need to be!
Permalink   | Posted by  Angie at September 3, 2007 8:18 AM